When we avoid discussing failures, we deprive both ourselves and our colleagues of the lessons we’ve learned from them.

We think it’s important to be okay with failure- and make the most of it. But once you’ve accepted it, and it actually happens, shouldn’t your (for lack of a better word) self-therapy continue? If it was your own failure and no one else’s, you need to help your teammates avoid the same mistake.

No need to get all mushy, but it helps to talk about it. Say it out loud- one way or another. Here are some ways I can think of to just that (without calling in a counselor).

• Write a blog post about your failure. Writing can be a powerful form of stress-relief, kind of like that enraged e-mail you’ll never send. Feels good to get it out, though, right? Plus, think of it this way- you’re being open and honest about what you’re dealing with, which helps other people who are dealing with the exact same thing.

• Ask for advice from your teammates. You could send an e-mail, or an IM, to your team- briefly explain what happened, and ask if they have any ideas for making the plan more successful next time. Not only does this build team unity, but it makes everyone feel welcome to share their ideas. If you’re asking, chances are someone wants to pipe up with an answer.

• Research it. Think you’re the only one who’s ever dealt with this particular failure? Find out. A quick Google search will probably point you in the right direction. If your failure was not the first in the entire world (which is probably wasn’t) you can learn from other people who have already talked about their mistakes. Then take your findings to a team meeting and brainstorm a little. Can you tweak the idea toward success? Is the most you learned from this failure is that this particular method will not work?

Even though you’re okay with failure, it will probably still bug the crap out of you. And that’s okay. If it didn’t bother you at least a little, you might question your passion for the project in the first place. Don’t try to suppress the emotions that will motivate you to get it right next time; the hatred for the feeling of failure might be just enough.

Failing doesn’t stop at the actual act of failing. It takes learning from it, dealing with it and talking about it.